What is co-dependency?

Co-dependency is a term used to describe a set of patterns that characterize a type of dysfunctional relationship.  For the co-dependent person, the need to be needed, accepted, wanted, etc. is so ovewhelming that personal identity and integrity are lost.

The co-dependent relationship is an out of balance relationship.  One person becomes a rescuer, a fixer, a giver, and the other person becomes a victim and a taker.  The emotional climate in the relationship is intense with feelings of anger, resentment, hopelessness, unworthiness, fatigue, hurt, and despair.  In this type of relationship the co-dependent person often takes on a parent role with the spouse becomeing like a spoiled, rebellious, angry child with a sense of entitlement and self-centeredness.

Denial patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truely feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
• I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
• I value others approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own.
• I do not perceive myself as a loveable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or other people's anger.
• I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• I value other's opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
• I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
• I accept sex when i want love.

Control Patterns:

• I believe other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I attempt to convince others of what they should think and how they should feel.
• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
• I freely offer advice and directions to others without being asked.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
• I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.

IMAGE

I care what people think of me,

my desire is to be accepted.

To be a friend of everyone,

and to never be rejected.

Just please do not think ill of me,

for on me you can always lean.

Because I count on each of you,

to build my self esteem.

Yes, smile and say you admire me,

and I'll work so hars for you.

Just say that you might like me,

It's all you have to do.

I have a simple goal in life,

that everyone accept me.

No one is excluded,

I include everyone I see.

It is a most exhausting task,

the ultimate of chores.

For everyone must like me,

the paperboy, the man next door.

And though I try, I always fail,

I'll never pass the test.

For once i know you like me,

there is still all the rest.

I know that God accepts me,

and that my sins are forgiven.

But it's more important that I be liked,

for me to keep on living.